Sexuality is a basic human need, but in the dehumanizing environment of prison and jail, it is often prohibited, penalized or logistically impossible. After incarceration, a myriad of factors, including lack of experience, trauma from incarceration, and stigma associated with having been incarcerated can make it difficult for many formerly people to reconnect with their sexuality.

Although Joshua faced 4 years in prison, they are now a formerly incarcerated, openly genderqueer person, a community advocate for formerly incarcerated people, and a porn actor. In this episode, they describe their journey coping with the sexually repressed environment in prison and their journey figuring out how to be sexual after release.

During their period of incarceration, sex was never an option, access to flirting was almost never available, and procuring and using pornographic images became too much effort to bother. Eventually Joshua stopped masturbating and lost connection to their sexuality.

Nonetheless, during their period of incarceration, Joshua was able to work with Department of Corrections staff to develop a course on Gender and Sexuality taught to other people in the facility. The class was often academic in nature, but it still allowed people a space once a week to be a little more vulnerable and open about their desires and identity.

In prison, the only Joshua experienced touch was when faced with violence. They had to work through this trauma and their years of inexperience asking for dates and play partners, to find their way to trauma-sensitive and mutually consensual sex.

Driven by a racially discriminatory criminal justice system, 5% of the U.S. population has been incarcerated in their lifetimes and about 1 in 4 Black men have been incarcerated. This episode is a love note to these people and a window into the realities that people in prison face for anyone who knows, encounters, has sex with or loves a formerly incarcerated person.

Becoming your authentic self, especially when your authentic desires conflict with the values in your family of origin, can be an incredibly difficult process. Today, Lupin identifies as a queer man, exploring polyamory and porn work. This wasn’t always this way and we talk with him as a beautiful moment of transition in his life, as he continues figuring out his new relationship to these identities and communities.

Growing up in a conservative environment in Virginia, Lupin didn’t have many connections to queer or non-monogamous people. He faced racial discrimination as a Black man and bullying from other kids, the combination of which made it even harder to come out.

After moving across the country to a more progressive environment, Lupin began to find queer, non-monogamous and more sexually open-minded communities. Nonetheless, the values of his family and community of origin continued to influence his way of being in these spaces. For example, the first time he filmed group porn scenes with Cliff Media, he was uniquely thoughtful about respect for performers’ enthusiastic consent, a value and habit he attributes to his mother.

What Lupin refers to as “unburying yourself” to find the life that makes you feel most free and authentic can be a challenging, multi-layered journey, especially when different perspectives and identities in life complicate the process. But to this point, Lupin describes his new life as “the happiest he’s ever been” and invites you into the shared experience of discovering the freedom to be yourself.

@Vanessacliff2

Kink or BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism) is not just leather and dark dungeons. It’s also a way of relating to sexuality and other people, an opportunity to play with power, consensual pain, energy and roles. In this episode, Hannah shares the way kinks can not only heal specific traumas and fears, but also transform how you think about yourself and what is possible in your life.

As you push your boundaries in kink, allowing yourself to open up to new experiences, release societal expectations, and practice expressing your desires and boundaries, you gain a sense of personal power. As Hannah describes, feeling empowered becomes addicting. Once realizing that you can own your desires and boundaries in kink, you discover the ability to do so in other aspects of your non-sexual life, in your personal relationships, work environment, and way you walk in the world.

Hannah invites listeners into their personal journey of self-discovery through kink, outlines ways people can explore kink themselves, and become a bigger, stronger version of themselves.

@Vanessacliff2