Live from Vanguard and Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” bumpersticker, it’s an all-new terrific Tuesday edition of Business Pants. Joined by Analyst-Hole Matt Moscardi! In today’s ESG-shaped bass guitar called September 17, 2024: a very special seminar where we help business news headline writers be better at their jobs, otherwise known as BIZ NUGGETS!Our show today is being sponsored by Free Float Analytics, the only platform measuring board power, connections, and performance for FREE. DAMION1Boeing two for Tuesday:In our 'Oh great, you pay me 273 times the median salary and I have to sit with the knuckle draggers!?' headline of the week. Boeing execs barred from flying business class to save money during strikeIn our 'Strike could cost Boeing the equivalent of 3 failed former CEO Dave Calhouns per day' headline of the week. Strike could cost Boeing $100 million-plus in daily revenue, analysts say$33MIn our 'Chefs will put their recipes on a pizza box to help Pizza Hut make better pizza' headline of the week. Pizza Hut will put your résumé on a pizza box to help you get a jobOn the Yum Brands board, only 2 of 12 directors selected a Pizza Hut food as their favorite Yum Brands food. Taco Bell wins with 5, KFC a close second with 4. At least there's a demographic that's worse off than women on this board (4 of 12) and that's Pizza Hut loversIn our 'Zuck is banning Putin from Facebook for being a shithead' headline of the week. Meta is banning Russian state media outlets like RT from its apps everywhere for engaging in political interference campaigns SAME HEADLINE: WHO DID IT BETTER?DR: In our 'Whatever you do, please don't mistake me for somebody who gives a shit!!' headline of the week. Jamie Dimon is still committed to DEI but says he’s not wokeMM: In our 'I’m a full-throated, red-blooded, patriotic, unwoke, capitalist CEO. Also, my assistant told me we have black people that work at JPMorgan now, so that's cool.' headline of the week. Jamie Dimon is still committed to DEI but says he’s not wokeDR: In our 'I re-wrote this headline for clarity: Disinterested and racist/sexist board of directors' Impact on Corporate DEI Policies' headline of the week. Robby Starbuck's Impact on Corporate DEI PoliciesMM: In our 'The side of the bottle says, "Side effects include increased racism, misogyny, anger issues, self-loathing, c-list internet celebrity, and a possible cabinet position in the Republican White House..." Should I take it?' headline of the week. Robby Starbuck's Impact on Corporate DEI PoliciesDR: In our 'Nelson Peltz has already taken credit for this' headline of the week. The Walt Disney Company makes history with record-breaking 60 EmmysMM: In our 'Nelson Peltz was disappointed in the result, saying, "Only 60? Probably because of all the blacks they keep casting."' headline of the week. The Walt Disney Company makes history with record-breaking 60 EmmysDR: In our 'Can we cut-and-paste the formatting of this headline to this one from the NYT: How Telegram Became a Playground for Criminals, Extremists and Terrorists. Or this one from Futurism: OpenAI's Strawberry "Thought Process" Sometimes Shows It Scheming to Trick Users' headline of the week. Boar’s Head will never make liverwurst again after outbreak that killed 9MM: In our 'It's the Germans fault' headline of the week. Boar’s Head will never make liverwurst again after outbreak that killed 9DR: In our 'Is this what an S&P 500 board with only 18% female influence looks like?' headline of the week. Delta is reminding prospective flight attendants that they must wear 'proper' underwear to their interviewsMM: In our 'Given 74.6% of flight attendants are women, this is for you ladies - only Elon Musk can wear a diaper to work like a big fat baby.' headline of the week. Delta is reminding prospective flight attendants that they must wear 'proper' underwear to their interviewsDR: In our 'Zuck pretends to cede control' headline of the week. Instagram gives parents more control over teen accountsMM: In our 'Mark Zuckerberg retains total and complete control of Instagram' headline of the week. Instagram gives parents more control over teen accountsMATT1In our 'Just because there's asbestos in our baby powder doesn't mean you're sick because of OUR asbestos... That could be ANYONE's asbestos... Have you checked Gary's house? I mean, no offense Gary, but your house smells like asbestos all the time. I'm pretty sure there was asbestos in the breakroom coffee machine - or at least it tasted like it. Given these facts, judge, we rest our case.' headline of the week. J&J gets $260 million talc verdict overturned in Oregon, new trial orderedIn our 'We only have 74.6% of directorships, 93.9% of CEO positions, and make 120% more. It's a long road to get to 100% of everything like it used to be, but someone has to climb it. Strap in boys, let's get it done!' headline of the week. Elon Musk's Quest to Make Men Great AgainIn our '...
