Welcome back to Underworld News Tonight, your one-stop shop for the weird, the wild, and everything in between! Buckle up, because tonight we've got a smorgasbord of strangeness to unpack.

First up, Andrew takes aim at a tabloid gone rogue! The Irish Star has been splashing UFO sightings across their front page, but Andrew's here to separate fact from fiction. Is this a genuine extraterrestrial hotspot, or just a desperate ploy for headlines? We'll dive deep and expose the truth, or at least what passes for it these days.

Sticking with the supernatural, the Vatican has issued a new decree! Apparently, they're offering some fresh guidance on how to handle demonic possession and other ghostly goings-on. Does this mean the Pope is finally acknowledging the existence of bumps in the night? We'll dissect the details and see if this is a holy hoax or a sign of the times.

Now, for a story that's equal parts spooky and heartbreaking. A divorced ghost bride named Brocarde has adopted a haunted clown doll! Listeners, you read that right. We'll explore the emotional turmoil of the afterlife and the strange companionship found in the spectral realm. Is this a match made in, well, the spirit world, or is there something more sinister at play?

Finally, we head to the heartland of America for a mystery that'll leave you scratching your head. Mysterious meat has been discovered on the side of an Ohio road. Yes, you heard that correctly. We'll have all the grisly details and hear from local authorities who are baffled by this bizarre beef-related enigma. Is it an out-of-this-world patty, a government experiment gone wrong, or something even stranger?

That's all for tonight, folks! Join us next week for another round of unearthly encounters and unexplainable events. Until then, keep your eyes peeled for the strange, and remember, the truth is always out there... somewhere.