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Our little family recently took a weeklong trip to the mountains. Some people are beach people, but we are mountain people. The vastness of the peaks and valleys. The simplicity of hiking trails and realizing just how small you really are in this big world. That fills our cup and renews our sense of wander and awe for God’s vast creation. It’s truly amazing when you stop to think about it. We decided to hike to the LeConte Lodge; 10 miles up the mountain. Little did I know how much I would be truly changed by this experience.

We made our way to the trailhead at 6a sharp. Pitch black. 30ish degrees outside. Not a soul in site. Now, keep in mind, black bears inhabit the Smokies, so my spidey senses were on high alert. But once we took off, every anxiety started to fade away. By 7a, we were close to the top and watching the sunrise through a cave. It was so incredible. We stopped along the way for water and energy snacks to keep us fueled and by 9a, we were at the Le Conte Lodge. We settled for a minute. Watched chipmunks try to take our snacks and decided to hike a half mile more to the top of the mountain: Myrtle Point. If you ever get the chance, take it. I can’t even describe the feeling I felt on top of that mountain, which happens to be the 3rd highest point in the Smokies. The Holy Spirit was there with me. I felt Him. My body tingled. I couldn’t speak and all I wanted to do was close my eyes with my arms stretched wide and thank Him. Thank God for bringing me here. For leading me here. For giving me the strength to keep moving. To keep going. To be honest, we didn’t want to leave. It was silent. Still. It was like God was saying to us, “Everything else can wait. Just be here now.” And that’s what we did. We just stood there. Resting in time. Coming down the mountain, it started to snow. The first snowfall of the season.

Now even though, the destination was pretty exquisite and so divine, for me, it was more about the journey. The journey of 11 miles up a mountain and 11 miles back down the mountain. The thought of how many mountains have I climbed to get here? How many valleys have I found myself trapped in to climb out of? What about you? Are you currently climbing an endless mountain, or do you feel like you are stuck in the valley? Are you trying to do it all by yourself and it’s just not working? That was me. Friends, that was me before I surrendered.

That journey up the mountain, I thought a lot of my past history of addiction and disordered eating. How I tried to control so many facets of my life, all the while, I kept losing control. The endless cycles of restricting, binge-drinking, laxative abuse, compulsive exercising. Waking up in bathtubs covered in vomit. Bruises from head to toe from falling downstairs. Xray's of broken bones with no recollection of how it happened. And the most pivotal, waking up in the middle of a busy street in downtown Milwaukee after a day of drinking and restricting. Unscathed. With a message from God saying, “Get up and walk home.”

During this journey, I realized that in all of those moments, including this one, I was not held by my own strength. I couldn’t have been. And today, I know that God was letting me know that the door was open to his Kingdom when I truly decided to surrender my life to him. To stop the comparison game. To quit killing myself and start to live for Him.

Friends, the Lord always provides. Whether we want to see it or not, and whether it’s what WE want or not, He always provides.

Friends, I am not asking you to climb a mountain, but what I am asking you to do is find what fuels your fire. What sets your soul on fire? What propels you forward in realizing that you are not held by your own strength? What helps you find the courage to step outside and realize that God created this world for you to LIVE.