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Our little family recently took a weeklong trip to the mountains. Some people are beach people, but we are mountain people. The vastness of the peaks and valleys. The simplicity of hiking trails and realizing just how small you really are in this big world. That fills our cup and renews our sense of wander and awe for God’s vast creation. It’s truly amazing when you stop to think about it. We decided to hike to the LeConte Lodge; 10 miles up the mountain. Little did I know how much I would be truly changed by this experience.

We made our way to the trailhead at 6a sharp. Pitch black. 30ish degrees outside. Not a soul in site. Now, keep in mind, black bears inhabit the Smokies, so my spidey senses were on high alert. But once we took off, every anxiety started to fade away. By 7a, we were close to the top and watching the sunrise through a cave. It was so incredible. We stopped along the way for water and energy snacks to keep us fueled and by 9a, we were at the Le Conte Lodge. We settled for a minute. Watched chipmunks try to take our snacks and decided to hike a half mile more to the top of the mountain: Myrtle Point. If you ever get the chance, take it. I can’t even describe the feeling I felt on top of that mountain, which happens to be the 3rd highest point in the Smokies. The Holy Spirit was there with me. I felt Him. My body tingled. I couldn’t speak and all I wanted to do was close my eyes with my arms stretched wide and thank Him. Thank God for bringing me here. For leading me here. For giving me the strength to keep moving. To keep going. To be honest, we didn’t want to leave. It was silent. Still. It was like God was saying to us, “Everything else can wait. Just be here now.” And that’s what we did. We just stood there. Resting in time. Coming down the mountain, it started to snow. The first snowfall of the season.

Now even though, the destination was pretty exquisite and so divine, for me, it was more about the journey. The journey of 11 miles up a mountain and 11 miles back down the mountain. The thought of how many mountains have I climbed to get here? How many valleys have I found myself trapped in to climb out of? What about you? Are you currently climbing an endless mountain, or do you feel like you are stuck in the valley? Are you trying to do it all by yourself and it’s just not working? That was me. Friends, that was me before I surrendered.

That journey up the mountain, I thought a lot of my past history of addiction and disordered eating. How I tried to control so many facets of my life, all the while, I kept losing control. The endless cycles of restricting, binge-drinking, laxative abuse, compulsive exercising. Waking up in bathtubs covered in vomit. Bruises from head to toe from falling downstairs. Xray's of broken bones with no recollection of how it happened. And the most pivotal, waking up in the middle of a busy street in downtown Milwaukee after a day of drinking and restricting. Unscathed. With a message from God saying, “Get up and walk home.”

During this journey, I realized that in all of those moments, including this one, I was not held by my own strength. I couldn’t have been. And today, I know that God was letting me know that the door was open to his Kingdom when I truly decided to surrender my life to him. To stop the comparison game. To quit killing myself and start to live for Him.

Friends, the Lord always provides. Whether we want to see it or not, and whether it’s what WE want or not, He always provides.

Friends, I am not asking you to climb a mountain, but what I am asking you to do is find what fuels your fire. What sets your soul on fire? What propels you forward in realizing that you are not held by your own strength? What helps you find the courage to step outside and realize that God created this world for you to LIVE.

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"Be Still & Know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

We are in the midst of changing seasons and the busyness of the holidays, which can be such a joyful, but also, very chaotic experience. During this last quarter of the year, we can certainly find it hard to rest. As a mom, I am immersed in all things Fall. Pumpkin patches. Apple orchards. Birthday parties. Fall break. Rest typically isn't part of my vocabulary, especially during this time of the year...

But, during a recent trip to the ER for my toddler and spending the entire next day watching Disney movies and playing with trucks, I sat back to wonder, "Was God trying to tell me to slow down and rest before today?"

Why is it that it can take a catastrophic event like a trip to the ER for us to rest? For me, it’s usually sometime between exhaustion, forgetting an important event, and/or illness that takes me out. Makes me step back to see the bigger picture. To reset. To recharge my batteries and keep moving forward.

After our little ER visit, there was no question whether I would take the to rest. My brain didn’t try to outweigh the pros and cons. No, we left the ER, en route to grab a Happy Meal, all the while I prepared for a restful next day with my most precious possession.

In addition, while weeklong vacations are a great time to rest and reset, what about taking a day for you? Just a day to Be. Or what about taking a few minutes out of your day to rest or do something that brings you JOY? For me, it's a latte prepared by my favorite barista, Molly, while opening the windows and lighting fall scented candles.

If you find it hard to rest, I love the self-compassion research by Kristin Neff, who talks about rooting yourself in your value system to find what brings you joy and self-compassion. We'll talk about an example of how to really dive deeper into your values system.

In addition, if you haven't already, I reference the Calm app, which has many different meditations, soothing music, and time to just rest and Be still.

My question to you is this, “When do you find you need to rest? And what can you do to realize you need to rest before you get to that point?” Friends, in this chaotic world, we need rest. A time to just Be. Join me in getting to that place before you HAVE to get to that place.

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**Trigger Warning: This episode contains details of a personal suicide attempt. **

Recently, I shared a social media post highlighting September 10, 2024 as National Suicide Prevention Day. Along with the post, I included a picture of myself in June 2018 as a finisher of a half-marathon.

My bib number in that race was “2016.” Not completely by chance & surely no accident as that was the year my life changed forever. This race was supposed to be a new beginning for me, but I still lived with those intrusive thoughts & negative core beliefs. Not to mention, the bottle of pills that continued to stare at me in my medicine cabinet, even as I prepared that morning. Just waiting for the right time. I ran that race alone. All 13.1 miles. I felt proud of myself, but also, a tug at still feeling isolated. Lonely. Less than. I’ll never forget holding back tears as I walked back to my car. The “it wasn’t supposed to be like this” feeling. I went home that afternoon and did the unthinkable. I'll never forget waking up and realizing that it wasn't my time to go. God had greater plans for me. Greater plans for me to educate others on suicide prevention efforts.

Suicide doesn't have a face. We can't predict it. We can only be there our people. Building connection. Building trusting relationships. Reaching out to people when they are on our hearts. Jesus left the 99 for the 1. I am asking you to do the same.

Fast forward to today: 6 years later. Weekly EMDR therapy sessions. The most supportive community. Letting down my guard. Trusting in the Lord. Just surrendering. It’s not easy. Goodness, it is hard. Every day. But I have done & continue to do the work to not get back there. To keep moving forward. Being honest with myself & those around me. Not letting the enemy win. Showing up for myself & my boys who provide me with so much joy to move forward. Just keep moving.

So, if you feel like I did on “what I thought would have been” such a happy day, please reach out to me. I see you. I am here for you. & believe me when I tell you, this isn’t the end;

We are fortunate to have resources such as:
988 Lifeline - If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: Home | AFSP

You are never alone.