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**Trigger Warning: This episode contains details of a personal suicide attempt. **

Recently, I shared a social media post highlighting September 10, 2024 as National Suicide Prevention Day. Along with the post, I included a picture of myself in June 2018 as a finisher of a half-marathon.

My bib number in that race was “2016.” Not completely by chance & surely no accident as that was the year my life changed forever. This race was supposed to be a new beginning for me, but I still lived with those intrusive thoughts & negative core beliefs. Not to mention, the bottle of pills that continued to stare at me in my medicine cabinet, even as I prepared that morning. Just waiting for the right time. I ran that race alone. All 13.1 miles. I felt proud of myself, but also, a tug at still feeling isolated. Lonely. Less than. I’ll never forget holding back tears as I walked back to my car. The “it wasn’t supposed to be like this” feeling. I went home that afternoon and did the unthinkable. I'll never forget waking up and realizing that it wasn't my time to go. God had greater plans for me. Greater plans for me to educate others on suicide prevention efforts.

Suicide doesn't have a face. We can't predict it. We can only be there our people. Building connection. Building trusting relationships. Reaching out to people when they are on our hearts. Jesus left the 99 for the 1. I am asking you to do the same.

Fast forward to today: 6 years later. Weekly EMDR therapy sessions. The most supportive community. Letting down my guard. Trusting in the Lord. Just surrendering. It’s not easy. Goodness, it is hard. Every day. But I have done & continue to do the work to not get back there. To keep moving forward. Being honest with myself & those around me. Not letting the enemy win. Showing up for myself & my boys who provide me with so much joy to move forward. Just keep moving.

So, if you feel like I did on “what I thought would have been” such a happy day, please reach out to me. I see you. I am here for you. & believe me when I tell you, this isn’t the end;

We are fortunate to have resources such as:
988 Lifeline - If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: Home | AFSP

You are never alone.