I’VE BEEN AWAY. TO A DISTANT LAND. AGAIN.
You might also say WHEREAMI? AGAIN. Cause he’s here too. We’re back in Cali, baby. We went to Disneyland again but THIS TIME we got into the OOGIE BASH and it was pretty alright! OH NO, BUT REALLY, we’re into the total again because it is our second time at Halloween Horror Nights Hollywood. I also wanted to take the time to talk about Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando FL this year, because I had attended with Alley Cat per our annual spooky trip. Lots to talk about this year, as the differences between CA and FL were many! More than I could have expected, to be frank. And I don’t want to be him. I want to be me, Captain Death - because, basically, my cousin was sponsored in CA this year at the Monstruous 2 house cause he looked like a conquistador version of Captain Death even down to the muerte title; Very cool. Always love running into family. But for real - as much shit as we talk, this year wasn’t that bad. It was just alright. And for HHN, that’s okay. Just okay. But hopefully next year has more to look forward to.

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership.
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What can I say about dead celebrities that hasn’t been said already? A lot actually. Which is why I’m not going to say anything. I’m really not. So anyways, we’re continuing the investigation we last left off with on the previous episode. I mean, we have our answers, we know where things are going, right? Maybe not literally but how could you possibly know where part three is going to end. Will our loose cannon cops play by the rules? Will they even fire their weapons at innocent minorities? Not a real story if neither of those things are happening. Vampires are real, though. I’m not budging on that one. But I am edging on it. Anyways, enjoy the rest of this story with these here boys. They had a good time, because I know they did. I made them. DUH-DUHN.

So We’re About 99% Sure the New Guy in Town is a Vampire(20:33) by TheJesseClark

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/7ipy4b/so_were_about_99_sure_the_new_guy_in_town_is_a/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership.
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What can I say about vampires that hasn’t already been said? Well, they live forever, so they have to be pretty savvy business men, right? Not what you expected me to say, either, huh? Well, it’s not what I expected to be reading with this group of jack-offs. Or should I say jack-ONS because they were on this shit like flies. By that I mean, they read and performed pretty damn well, in my opinion. It’s almost like they don’t listen to my show because they were surprised by my performance several times as well, not to toot my own horn or anything but I have been doing this for like 8 years. I kinda feel like a vampire, you know what I mean? Maybe you don’t. But you might. Anyways, what we expected was Fright Night and what we got was Law & Order. Am I complaining, not necessarily. Should I be? I’ll let you be the judge. DUH-DUHN.

So We’re About 99% Sure the New Guy in Town is a Vampire(25:45) by TheJesseClark

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/7ipy4b/so_were_about_99_sure_the_new_guy_in_town_is_a/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership.
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Everyone loves a good dog, right? I mean, if you don’t, I don’t trust you. I don’t think you deserve my trust if you don’t love a good doggo. I know someone who loves good pups: Midnight Bride. She’s got herself a good little goblin faced, Steve Buscemi of a dog. She’s a sweet lil sprinkle-bear. She can’t help that she was born with the face of a bat and the body of a chihuahua. But I digress, we’re here to talk about a couple things like young love and more importantly and often over-looked, young hate. I think we need to bring young hate back. Young hate doesn’t get enough attention despite being like the crux of a lot of good 80’s movies. There’s always like a nemesis or a bully of some kind and they always get their comeuppance, right? Well, let’s see if this story does more of the same, cause there’s a chance this can be sad. I hope this isn’t sad. I hope this is nice and fun and full of young hate. Fuck young love. What can I say, I’m Aerosmith; aka JADED.

Good Dog(24:16) by Shannon Higdon

https://www.creepypasta.com/good-dog/

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership.
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What conclusion awaits us at the end of this thrilling chapter? Something trivial that will tie everything up way too nicely despite all the questions and remaining answers and issues are directly in front of our literal fingertips, right? No, again, no inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. Just Grimes. Just a big old bitch of a stone statue. The possibilities have been emptied with Ramses Vanderslice on today’s episode and as we come to an end, I can’t help but think that this is just Borrasca V all over again. This one just kinda ends out of nowhere for lack of circumstantial reasons, just like my relationship with my previously mentioned ex-girlfriend. I’m not gonna say it sucks. It doesn’t suck as bad as the last one. It’s hard to think that the same person who wrote part one and also wrote parts two and three, but here we are. I’m sure part three was thought up before part two was because it just moves better and tries its damndest to answer questions left by chapter one, but like… not in a great way. If you ask me, she should’ve just stayed home or moved on with her life after part one. This didn’t need a sequel. It’s like Prometheus or Alien Covenant. The Xenomorph is scarier when it’s not explained, just like Grimes. Stop milking Grimes. Let Grimes rest.

Death of Deepwoods, PA(17:04)

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What mysteries lie in the fictional town of Lannenberg(burg?) Pennsylvania? Who knows because it doesn’t actually exist and I’m confused as to why this is a plot point when it could have just taken place in Harrisburg. No inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. But yes, yes, a giant demon statue made of stone and sin called Metar- I mean -GRIMBUS. The possibilities are narrowing with Ramses Vanderslice on today’s episode and as the chapters go on, my hope dwindles further, just like my previously mentioned ex-girlfriend. This one sucks, and not in the same way and not in a good way. Why does this chapter exist - ah, yes - to pad the plot of what the next part is because that was clearly thought up before this part was. Huzzah. Mystery solved. Why is our character motivated to this degree? Who knows. Trauma apparently works that way, says the author, but Trauma don’t work that way says me - but I’m not an author, I’m just some asshole online. Enjoy!

Return to Deepwoods, PA(41:50)

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“Astral Alley“ is not my song. I do not claim ownership.
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What mysteries lie deep in the woods of Pennsylvania. Inbred, redneck melon-heads? Regular old, garden variety homeless people? A giant demon statue made of stone and sin? The possibilities are endless here on Lotsa Pasta with our guest Ramses Vanderslice. I know we last had a really silly Halloween but Ramses is back to get into a multi-chapter story with me this time, reminiscent of our time checking out The Showers and I do mean THE Showers and not just any old shower. Go listen to those two episodes if you don’t believe me. They’re good! This one, also good! The restraint with chapter one or The Lost Town section of Deepwoods, PA is very entertaining. Let’s just see if the author can keep it up. Sounds like something my ex girlfriend used to say. Alls well that ends well, right? WRONG - never go in the secret basement hatch inscribed with latin. NEVER. Just like my ex-girlfriend’s place.

The Lost Town of Deepwoods, PA(34:12)

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